I have decided to give wordpress another shot.  Perhaps I didn't give it a fair chance in the past.  With a fresh new start in America,  I will begin a new blog and hopefully forreal grow to like it.

and try to put more pictures on it and stuff

http://sunghova.wordpress.com

I hope to see whom ever of you are still around to keep writing publically.  Being able to voice an opinion is too often taken for granted

Farewell and see you on wordpress.

So it seems that another south Korean actress has committed suicide.  She was not so much a leading lady type,  but none the less,  another tragic story.

During the 8 month period that i have been here,  four celebrities have committed suicide ( that i know of).  That is really alarming high.  I can't help but to ask why this keeps happening.  The majority of the reasons involve depression and lonliness in someway.

Could it be true that having lots of money,  fame,  honor to thy family and so forth could make one that lonely, depressing, and not what it is truly cut out to be?  The world and media seems to say otherwise,  but from what i have read of what Christ had to say about money and fame,  it seems true.

I guess the main point of this entry is to think and wonder... has the command to heal the sick.... really reached a deeper level in which many people out there are emotionally sick?  That we have as humans dug ourselves in the ever infamous "hole" so deeply that it cannot be seen through the public eye... unlike lets say, a leper or the poor?

I believe that our modern day missions field has grown in which we must now consider those that are emotionally sick just as much as those outwardly hurting...

but my question remains... how?

I apologize for being all over the place,  but its really been on my mind today.

You know,  time is moving too quickly.

I now understand how people who have become attached to a place feel when they have to leave.  Although the time does feel just about right (though abridged),  I have grown attached to my new home.  I suppose that in a way,  it kills me every time people tell me that they don't want me to leave and stuff... 

I've been shown a remarkable amount of love and hospitality here from family members and friends I have made here. 

 Do I deserve any of it?  not by any means. 

But if I was to conjure up a hypothesis to why I was so blessed while doing and quite frankly, loving so little.... I would say that this was a drawn out 8 month lesson on how to love people more...  and being someone that does it,  and not only says it.

even if I am only able to love those around me...  .001% more than 8 months ago..  that is .001% in the right path. 

I'm sure Christ's disciple would have laughed in the inside while enjoying their kosher locust whopper value meal.... when hearing that faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains.  But as we see now,  (hopefully) you, and I are products of Jesus and twelve followers.  It seems that mountains have moved.

I suppose that it is my hope that God can use even this .001% more of Christ's love that I have been freely given, to continue to move mountains.. because until the day comes... i guess our job here is not done.

gots to love myself less... and those I'd love to detest,  much more.

You know,

I am beginning to believe more and more that faith and confidence is more and more intertwined together.

In about half a year,  I will be studying at a theological seminary... very possibly leading to a future of full-time ministry.  To be frank,  i am still uncomfortable talking about it outwardly.  Throughout my life, confidence in my spiritual life,  particularly the Good one,  has been my greatest struggle... and perhaps biggest insecurities.  Throughout every state of this walk,  whether its been as a member, friend, family group leader... the plaguing question has been " Me? Really?" ... Is this really the chosen road?

I yearn for the day that " me? really?"  becomes "me. really.".  Then I can truly begin to call myself an unworthy servant... because atleast by then,  I will have the faith to realize that God has said " Yes. you."

Unfortunately,  I am still sick.

I don't think i've ever had a stomach virus this bad before.  Part of me doesn't ever want to eat certain foods again to avoid this from ever happening again.  But with time,  lots of liquids,  and good rest,  I should recover in time.  please pray for me.